Dear 69 sama
by ch1ps0h0y
Summary: When Mukuro decides to play advisor to the unsuspecting public, you know it can't end well...  -Inspired by "Dear 59-kun", with the author's permission. Contains traces of 6918/1869/6996/6927-
1. Prelude to Disaster?

**TITLE**: Dear 69-sama

**WARNING**: This fanfic contains possible traces of lulzery. Side effects may include death by stitches (laughing stitches, that is) or else brain haemorrhaging from extreme fail.

**DISCLAIMER**: I'll only say this once but it applies to this entire work - KHR is owned by Akira Amano, not myself. This is merely the work of (or one of many works of) one (far-too-dedicated/obsessed) fan.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: This was inspired by mangarox14's "Dear 59-kun" which - if you haven't read yet - I highly recommend you do because it will brighten your day to no end. The author has kindly allowed me to borrow their idea - many thanks to them!

_**Special mentions **_: KirishimaAyama, therainshark (both on LJ) - thank you for assisting me by submitting the initial letters. :-)

* * *

"Mukuro, have you ever considered trying to talk to other people?"

This question, suddenly descending out of the blue from Tsuna's very own lips, had the rare effect of surprising the indigo-haired illusionist who turned to gaze at the Vongola Decimo with thin eyebrows raised in silent question.

"I mean, not that you don't already talk to other people," Tsuna hastily back-tracked. "I just meant, maybe, you should try and engage with people other than us. As in, people other than...well, us," he finished lamely.

"You want me to converse, perhaps, with the more normal _non-mafiosi_, Tsunayoshi?" Mukuro supplied, the tiniest of smirks making itself known.

"Yes, that." Tsuna fidgeted. Ten years on, the once-hopeless, reluctant heir to the Vongola Family had matured amazingly over the course of the decade. But confidence seemed to fly out the window the way he used to toss out Lambo's grenades whenever he tried to hold a conversation with his Guardian of Mist (or his Guardian of Cloud, for that matter), even more so now he was face-to-face with the real one. "I just think that - possibly - you might be able to...open up, if you...tried to help others with their problems..."

The way Tsuna tried to conceal his anxiety beneath an exterior of calm and composure piqued Mukuro's good humour. He chuckled, causing the other man to redden slightly, and turned over Tsuna's proposal in his mind, considering every facet of it carefully. He was still relishing in his new-found freedom from Vendicare and was focused on quickly recovering his strength. Tsuna refused to send a less-than-healthy person on a mission, even if said person could demonstrate that he was not going to collapse at any moment. So really, why not kill some time (not literally, of course) and humour the man's request for a little while?

"Kufu~ Why not? It sounds like an amusing idea, Tsunayoshi."

And as Mukuro laughed, Tsuna could not help but feel as if he was going to regret ever suggesting this idea to his questionably-sane Guardian of Mist.

* * *

Mukuro had to borrow a laptop from the irritable Hibari (more like, "use without permission"). He could feel the other man's glares directed at the back of his head and the murderous aura that radiated off the Guardian palpably as he tapped away unconcernedly at the keyboard. Granted, he could have simply taken the whole thing, cords and all, and done this in the privacy of his own rooms, but anything that annoyed the Cloud Guardian was a plus in his opinion.

Well, his online identity had been set up (his apprentice had suggested "Nappo-head" for a pseudonym - such cheek!) and now all that was left was to wait for the fish to bite. What kind of fish would they be, Mukuro wondered. He was amused at himself for feeling just the vaguest sense of impatience and forced himself to calm down and be patient.

He was rewarded with a few emails the next day:

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_Lately I've been observing the world and have noticed the selfishness and pettiness of people and life. What should I do? I think I'm hating humanity._

_- NotPartOfThis_

...

Mukuro smiled a little to himself as he made his reply:

_NotPartOfThis,_

_Why not form a contract and become a part of me instead? Kufufu~ I am sure we would do _**very**_ well together._

_Yours (or mine),_

_- 69_

...

...

_To 69-sama,_

_I've been asked a very hard question lately, and being an indecisive person, need your help. So you think red or blue is the better colour?_

_- Rainb0w_

...

What kind of plea for help was that?

_Rainb0w (or Arcobaleno, whichever you prefer),_

_I find that the combination of both do well to terrify all those who see me._

_- 69_

...

...

_Dear 69-san,_

_How do you affix two blades to a shaft of metal? It's proving impossible._

_- Frustration_

...

"My, my," Mukuro murmured to himself. "Weapons advice? Is that legal?"

"Why would something like the law stop you, you sick perverted bastard," someone muttered behind him.

Ignoring the insult, he sent back:

_Frustration,_

_I find a certain adhesive - 'glue', in simpleton's terms - usually works. That and some common sense._

_(Unless you are an illusionist. Then it doesn't matter.)_

_- 69_

...

...

_69-sama,_

_Have you seen Chrome?_

_-Kakipii_

...

It seemed something flashed across Mukuro's face but it was gone as quickly as it had come. Face completely neutral, his wrote:

_Ken (or whoever you are),_

_Since I know for a fact that - even now - you cannot go anywhere near a machine without breaking it, I must assume that you are in actuality _**not**_ Ken. Therefore, I would ask you to stay away from my dear Chrome before something unfortunate befalls you._

_Sincerely,_

_Your Worst Nightmare_

And thus, chuckling darkly, he sent off his reply.

...

...

_De-ar 69-sama,_

_O jp[r upi vsm trsf yjod._ [1]

_I-Pin._

...

This one proved an entertaining distraction for him and he wrote back in like fashion:

_To the little Chinese martial-arts girl,_

_Ditr;u upi ,idy nr timmomh ;syr eoyj upit mppf;r fr;obrtord shsom?_ [2]

_- 69_

...

...

Finally, there was this:

_Herbivore,_

_Give me back my laptop or I'll bite you to death._

_-DisciplinePrefect_

...

As he read the short, blunt message, Mukuro felt that murderous presence return and stop right behind him. Without turning, he said casually, "I wonder how you sent this, considering how I supposedly have the _only_ laptop in your possession and it has not left my sight since I took it."

His comment earned him a smack to the back of the head with something hard that rang dully against his skull. Wincing but chuckling, he nonetheless typed a reply:

_Dearest Kyoya,_

_I knew you had a second one lying around somewhere. Kufufu~_

The endearment earned him another tonfa to the head and a sizeable lump which did not go away for several days.

* * *

[1] I-Pin: "I hope you can read this."

[2] 69: "Surely you must be running late with your noodle deliveries again?"

**And so, I'm looking for 'letters' from you good folks, directed to Mukuro, so he can reply to them for subsequent chapters. Either send them via message or review, whichever works.**

**I apologise in advance if the amount becomes so much that I begin to update irregularly - 1. People do become busy and, 2. I predict it will be hard to keep up once/if large amounts of 'letters' start flooding in.**

**Thank you!**


	2. Hair, There, Everywhere

_**A/N**__: Author is gradually settling into the role (and working on humour). Hopefully will be able to respond in a consistent manner once I've found the right Muku voice (which ideally should be very soon)._

** **There will be pairing hints (maybe 6918/1869, 6996 and **_**possibly**_** 6927) as this goes along; you have been warned...** **

_Many thanks and much love to all those who reviewed, sent letters, and added this story to their Favourites/Story Alerts! If you don't see your name below, your letter is probably in the next chapter. :-)_

****A small change was made to the first chapter, near the end. For those who didn't see: the section "no-one else owns [a laptop] except those three technicians" was removed since...I suppose the others **_**would**_** have a laptop, yes? I apologise for this. -_-" ****

_(Letters below from chapter 1 reviews, received Sept. 8 - [in no particular order:] __**Elizaveta Hedevary Hungary, Uptowngirls, Polar Pig, LuiseMeyrink, TakeshiYamamoto2980**__)_

**LunarxxStar**: Your letter is in the next chapter for plot continuity reasons. ^_^"

* * *

Mukuro ruefully massaged the back of his head - still smarting from the Cloud Guardian's beating the other day - as he sat down to his latest influx of messages. There were a few more than last time. Did that mean his advice was actually being heeded?

Maybe and maybe not. Tsunayoshi would probably be exasperated with him if he could see exactly what kind of advice his Guardian was giving out...

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_I'm sorry to ask you this, but is your hairstyle really pineapple-inspired?_

_I hope you'll finally answer clearly to this question._

_PS: don't take it as an insult, I love your hair!_

_IswearimnotKen_

...

Again with the pineapple hair. How many times has he told people it is _not_ based around that annoying fruit?

_IswearimnotKen,_

_If I find that Ken has gone and spread that rumour about then he had best find a deep, dark hole to hide in before I find him. I still have plenty of those things to throw at him...kufufufu~_

_- 69_

...

_Dear Pineapple-head (69-sama),_

_How did you get to style your hair like that? It's totally AWESOME 'cause I LOVE pineapples. Did you use gel or illusions?_

_Sincerely,_

_PINEAPPLEZ4LIFE a.k.a your stalker_

...

His eye twitched.

_To my self-proclaimed stalker,_

_If you were the one who searched my rooms several weeks ago then you had best prepare yourself for any unwelcome visits. I really would like to know how you-_

"Is that the herbivore who was responsible for all that noise?" Hibari interrupted. Mukuro realised he had been muttering the words of his reply under his breath.

"Possibl-" Hibari did not let Mukuro finish. He pushed the illusionist to one side and took over the keyboard.

_Herbivore, once I find you I will not hesitate to bite you to death for causing a disturbance._

Mukuro did not bother to try and stop the other Guardian as the threat was sent off.

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_I saw this show where this hot illusionist had a pineapple hairstyle. I fell so in love with him that I wanted one too. Should I go with it? Love to get your advice._

_Ame-chan_

...

He made a strangled sound in his throat and shot a frown at Hibari when the latter smirked and muffled a derisive laugh beneath his hand.

_Ame,_

_I do not recall ever appearing on television, but regardless: give up on pursuing me. I am hard to catch._

_As for this 'pineapple' hairstyle - if you want to look like a ridiculous tropical fruit then who am I to stop you?_

_- 69_

...

_De-ar 69-sama,_

_Ejsy mppf;r fr;obrtors?_ [1]

_-I-Pin_

...

_**LITTLE**__ Chinese girl,_

_Upi eo;; drr._ [2]

_- 69_

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_I seem to be encountering problems with two individuals who refuse to cooperate with my polite questions about whether they may disrobe together for a camera. These individuals are both male._

_What should I do?_

_Also, my friend and I have lost inspiration for an amazing fanfiction and doujinshi we were writing. Is there anything to prevent a complete block?_

...

With this kind of situation, Mukuro thought it best to consult the most stubborn person he knew. "Kyoya!" Mukuro called over his shoulder. "What would it take for you to remove all of your clothes in front of a camera? With another man?"

A sharp, biting reply came flying back. "I would _never_ do such a ridiculous thing. Even _without_ a camera!"

Mukuro hummed thoughtfully then smiled suddenly. There was a yell of outrage.

_"Mukuro, give me back my clothes _**right now**_!"_

He chuckled to himself and ignored the loud thumping ("_Damn you! Unlock the door, you bastard!_") as he responded:

_Anonymous,_

_1. Find all of their clothes and destroy them somehow._

_2. If you have lost inspiration then it is highly doubtful this fanfiction and doujinshi of yours was ever amazing to begin with._

_- 69_

...

"Kyo, is something the matter?" Kusakabe looked just a tiny bit apprehensive as he peered into the room. Mukuro gave him a little wave and a smirk and Kusakabe's eyes widened fractionally at finding the Mist Guardian relaxing at "Kyo's" desk with one of the very man's laptops open.

"Kyoya seems to have misplaced his clothing. He's throwing a tantrum right now," Mukuro told the other man. "I would make yourself scarce if I were you. Kufufu~"

Kusakabe flinched at the destructive sounds emanating from the locked room. With a brief nod to Mukuro he quickly withdrew and his footsteps soon faded away.

Luckily for him (but unluckily for Mukuro), Hibari finally succeeded in smashing his way free. The sight of the naked Guardian caused Mukuro to laugh out loud. He completely disregarded how the other's eyes flashed dangerously and how furious, violet flames spontaneously burst into life around Hibari's form.

But he was quick to run (pausing only to snatch up the computer) once the Cloud Guardian charged towards him with a snarl, and continued to pursue him outside and all the way down the corridor in full view of the startled, wide-eyed Foundation members.

_"I'll bite you to death!"_

...

Sporting a myriad of new cuts and bruises (hidden carefully under illusion), Mukuro eventually sought refuge in the Vongola hideout's kitchen. He considered himself fortunate to have escaped without anything more serious like broken bones (not that he would have minded especially). The homely smell of cooking permeated the air; it seemed Chrome and those other two girls had just finished baking. Two plump, round chocolate cakes sat steaming on cooling racks on the kitchen counter.

Chrome lightly slapped Mukuro's hand as he reached over to pinch one of the cakes. "You can't, Mukuro-sama," she scolded, smiling. "It's not for you."

"Kufufu, too late." When Chrome glanced at the cake again, she saw it had a slice already cut out of it. Mukuro lounged against the counter, missing slice in hand, smiling mischievously. She shook her head and gave the taller man a look not unlike a mother would give a cheeky child. "I was going to give that to Boss before I leave," she said reprovingly.

"Chrome, I know very well you made that second cake knowing I would steal a piece."

A hint of a smile and a faint blush showed in Chrome's cheeks. Ducking her head to hide her face, she shooed Mukuro away. Chuckling, the taller illusionist allowed himself to be ushered away and headed back to the table where he had left his - Hibari's - battered laptop.

He had forgotten the charger in his rush to escape from the Cloud Guardian's wrath. Oh well. He would sneak in and steal that later. For now, he reopened the laptop and examined the last email for the day.

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_What kind of food did you often get when you were in Vindice? You ate by the help with the tube that covered your mouth, right? And so how was the taste? Was it nutritious? Were those faceless men from Vindice were rude enough to give you something inedible?_

_That is all. I'm sorry if this letter of mine reminded you of the past you wish to forget. m_ _m_

_Sincerely,_

_No One Important_

...

This one was...strangely personal. He did not want to think about the long years he had spent in that place. He wanted it to become just another portion of his life spent incarcerated for just one of the many crimes he had committed over lifetimes.

_No One Important,_

_The tube you refer to was a gas mask which allowed me to breathe. My 'food' came through by other means._

_I could not cause trouble for them since I was chained inside a tank filled with water, so they had no reason to starve me or give me something indigestible._

_- 69_

That done he closed the lid of the laptop and it went into place with a quiet _click_. He hefted it easily in one hand then, lost in his own thoughts, slowly made his way back to his own rooms.

* * *

[1] I-Pin: "What noodle deliveries?"

[2] 69: "You will see."

**Ahaha, thank you for sending them in! It's certainly fun trying to come up with Muku's responses. :-) Some of them are pretty challenging too, I was surprised to see. O= I realise that this will probably not be hilariously funny like "Dear 59-kun", but I hope it's...nice, if you know what I mean?**


	3. Intervallo primo

_**A/N**__: I just had to put give this letter a little special section on its own. Short but sweet (I hope?). Thank you to __**LunarxxStar**__ for this one! I changed the wording of your original submission quite a bit, but the spirit of the message should still be there..._

_(This site's formatting makes this look so much shorter... *sigh* If the Italian is wrong, please tell me. I confess to using Babelfish for the translation.)_

* * *

**.**

**~ intervallo : un momento a sè stesso ~**

**[ ~ intermission : a moment to himself ~ ]**

**.  
**

* * *

A week had passed since Chrome had left for Italy. The entire Family had come out to farewell her much to her immense embarrassment. She was only going to be away for a month, she had whispered as they all made a ruckus, drawing the attention of other passengers in the airport terminal. Though Mukuro, standing right beside her and the only one not joining in the commotion (with the exception, as always, of Hibari, who of course was not present), thought he had been the only one to hear her words. He had patted her shoulder and smiled at her when she looked up, causing her face to redden even more than it already had.

And now...what was this feeling? Mukuro found himself wishing that Chrome were back here in Japan. It felt strange being without the girl with whom for ten years he had shared a close bond. Chrome had mostly closed her mind off for the duration of her trip, so now Mukuro was left with a hollow, empty sense of loneliness.

Tsuna noticed how unusually pensive his Guardian of Mist had become. It was not blatantly obvious - Mukuro still took every opportunity he could to needle the others, especially Hibari and Gokudera, of whom the former had yet to forgive the illusionist for his latest prank. Hibari continued to receive snickers wherever he went, and consequently the infirmary found itself overrun with an unexpected surge of patients despite there not being any inter-Family warfare of late.

The Vongola Decimo was too busy to address his Guardian's problem face-to-face, but he _did_ take the time to send a brief email:

...

_Dear Mukuro-kun_

_Please don't worry too much about Chrome. She'll be perfectly safe with the Varia. They won't let any harm come to her._

_And do try to be nice in those letters you're answering, too._

_- Vongola Decimo_

...

Mukuro scanned over the words, tapping a finger on his chin as he did so.

Really. Worried? Of course he was not worried. Chrome could take care of herself, he had ensured _that_ (he felt it necessary after she had been kidnapped/threatened for the umpteenth time).

A faint smile crept upon his lips as he read the second line of the message. It seemed Tsunayoshi had assumed (and rightly so) that he was not being the understanding, helpful advisor that he was expected to be.

...

_Tsunayoshi,_

_I trust my dear Chrome to be sensible. She is not so helpless as you think. If anything, you should be doubting those men in the Varia. If you were concerned for her wellbeing, you should not have sent her there in the first place, hmm?_

_Kufu, and what gives you the impression that I am being anything but?_

_- 69_

...

Tsuna sighed as he read Mukuro's reply. What gave _him_ the impression his Guardian was being anything but nice in his replies?

_I don't need to have read them to know you, Mukuro_, he thought privately with some humour.

...

The next time that Tsuna happened to pass by Mukuro in the corridor, he surprised the taller man by clasping his shoulder, squeezing it in a mute gesture of comfort and smiling, then continued on his way before the other could say anything.

_In these situations words are useless, aren't they?_

* * *

**LunarxxStar: **I hope you can understand why I chose to rephrase the wording...but thank you all the same for the idea that led to this ficlet!

**And of course, thank you to all those who sent letters/reviews in (yes, even you with your spam, KirishimaAyama). Thank you for all the favourites etc. so far!**


	4. Tempered Threats

_**A/N**__: Again, a big thank you to all those who reviewed, favourited and story-alerted! If your name isn't amongst those whose letters were answered, don't panic! They're most likely in the next batch. :-) And please keep sending messages to poor Muku!_

_The rating went up to T because of certain characters' infamous potty mouths._

_(Letters from reviews received Sept. 9 - __**phanpymanaphy, MakaMaka, YamiNoUe, kuromi69neko, Hafous, Rein-Pudding + anonymous posters signed 'qqsha' & 'Ahaha'**__)_

* * *

Chrome might be halfway across the world and Hibari might be flat-out refusing to acknowledge his presence (let alone tolerate the intrusion of a single hair within stepping distance of the Foundation's section of the underground base), but time waits for no-one and those emails with pleas for help (if you could call them that) continued to filter into his inbox. It soon became routine for Mukuro to start up the computer and head straight for his email.

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_How do you do your pineapple-ish hair? It's something me and my friends haven't been able to do..._

_-I-think-69-sama-should've-been-called-Nappo-chan_

...

To that, Mukuro only had this to say:

_There is only one reason why you fail in your attempts to imitate it - because it is _**not**_ based off of a pineapple._

_- 69_

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_6984 ring any bells for you? I hope so :D_

_-Randomness_

...

Ah, he had heard about this new craze of labelling people with numbers. A quick search on the internet told him all he needed to know.

...

_Randomness,_

_Certainly it rings bells. Warning bells. For you. Does that make this a roundabout plea for mercy before I find you and give you a slow and painful death?_

_- 69_

...

_Dear 69-sama,  
_

_1896 ftw~! XD  
_

_-OCF (Obsessive Compulsive Fangirl)_

...

_To Obsessive Compulsive Fangirl,_

_You are fortunate Kyoya was not around to read that._

_- 69_

...

"You have fans?" a terse voice intruded.

Mukuro turned to face the speaker, one Hayato Gokudera. The special smirk he reserved only for Tsuna's right-hand man was immediately plastered liberally over his face. He slung his arm over the back of his chair and projected an air of arrogance, carefully designed to incite maximum annoyance in the Guardian of Storm.

"Is that such a surprise?" Mukuro drawled.

Gokudera glowered darkly and, clenching his fists, countered with another question, "Trying to recruit followers for when you turn against the Tenth, Mukuro?"

How quaint that, even after all these years, the man continued to believe that the illusionist could not be trusted. "I do not need large numbers to accomplish my plans, whatever you may think they are, Hayato Gokudera," Mukuro said, deliberately laughing in the other's face.

"You _bastard_. If you do anything to the Tenth...!" Gokudera made to draw back a fist and punch the illusionist. It hovered there for a moment as Tsuna's request for him to curb his anger warred with his simmering hate of the illusionist. In the end, with a noisy exhalation, he let his hand fall back to his side.

"If you even _try_ to do anything to the Tenth, I'll be right there to stop you," he threatened.

Mukuro had not even flinched when the other man's fist had been raised. "Admirable talk, coming from someone whom I can readily possess at will." And just to prove his point, he leaped into the Storm Guardian's mind and froze the man's limbs. Spluttering with outrage, Gokudera strained to free himself.

"_You f**king bastard_!" the trapped Guardian yelled. As the man continued to hurl insults and other verbal abuse at him, Mukuro began to wonder whether he should have also frozen his jaws. Before he could do anything else, Tsuna came in, drawn by the well-known tones of Gokudera's shouts. The amber-haired man took in the situation at a glance and sent a disapproving look in his Guardian of Mist's direction.

"Mukuro..." he said warningly.

Mukuro did not immediately free Gokudera. For several long seconds, he and Tsuna stared at each other, each man trying to face down the other. A tense silence followed and Gokudera's eyes flicked between the two men, waiting to see who would win in this battle of wills.

The first to make any move was Mukuro, whose lips suddenly twitched upwards. Without a word, he released his hold on the other Guardian who shuddered and shook himself then clenched his fists several times to ensure that he really was back in control of his body.

"You...!" Gokudera began furiously, reaching for one of the numerous bombs concealed on his person.

"Gokudera, please. Don't." Tsuna smiled tremulously - that was all that was needed to dissuade the Storm Guardian who, with a slight grumble, abandoned his plan to blast the 'Mist bastard' to smithereens.

"Shall I stay, Tenth?" '_To keep an eye on him_' was implied by the distrustful glance Gokudera shot Mukuro.

"No, I'll be fine." Tsuna flashed a more at-ease smile at the silver-haired man. The Guardian of Storm bowed and retreated reluctantly, muttering curses and other crude phrases in Italian underneath his breath.

"If you want to insult me, do it in a language I cannot understand," Mukuro called after him, also in Italian. There was a growl and a fist colliding with a dull thud against the wall (and more curses as said fist's knuckles almost cracked) before Gokudera finally left the two on their own.

"I still think I should tell him," Tsuna said as he watched his right-hand man depart.

Mukuro shrugged and turned back to the laptop. "Do what you wish. It is not as if he is the only one after my head," he murmured.

Tsuna glanced at Mukuro, worry creasing his brow. "Everyone will understand if I explain it to them." Then he groaned. "Except Reborn..."

Mukuro scoffed. "The Arcobaleno answers to you now."

"Mm..." The Decimo shuffled his feet awkwardly then came over to peer at what Mukuro was typing.

...

_Dear ** 69._

_VOI! WHY THE ** HAVE A SEX POSITION AS YOUR USERNAME, HAH? A LOT OF DIGNITY YOU HAVE THERE!_

_- GrandeSpadaccino._

...

And Mukuro's response was:

_Loud-mouthed Varia swordsman,_

_You are one to talk. If I recall, you are the one who repeatedly says, "F**k, you", as you have just demonstrated. And very boldly as well. Should I be concerned about what you Varia get up to while Tsunayoshi is not watching?_

_- 69_

...

Tsuna laughed nervously. "Are you really going to send that?"

Mukuro clicked the mouse. "I already have," he said, chuckling at the stricken expression that flitted across the Vongola boss' face.

"Oh, look, there's something from Chrome!" Tsuna pointed. A few clicks and the window with the email's contents popped up:

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_I find this is the only way I can communicate with you after seeing this..._

_When can I see you again?_

_C.D._

...

Peeking out of the corner of his eye, Tsuna saw that Mukuro wore the faintest of smiles as he replied:

_Dear Chrome,_

_It will be a month at most but do not worry, my dear Chrome. I will be here when you return. Please take care._

_- 69_

...

"You _can_ sit, Tsunayoshi," Mukuro commented dryly. Face reddening slightly, Tsuna pulled out a chair and perched on the edge, a silent observer as Mukuro went through the rest of the messages.

...

_Dear 69-kun,_

_Since you're out of Vendicare and don't necessarily need Chrome-chan anymore... Can I have her?_

_-11_

...

_Julie Katou,_

_Being a part of the Shimon Family will not stop me from killing you if you hurt her._

_- 69_

...

Tsuna wrinkled his nose and looked slightly worried but otherwise said nothing.

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_I've been dying to know the secret of how to do you zig-zag part in my hair, but I have failed every time. How do you do it?_

_~Ue-chan~_

...

_Ue,_

_That is a secret._

_- 69_

...

"That wasn't helpful at all," Tsuna chided, smiling weakly.

...

_Dear 69-Chan,_

_You see, I found this weird trident outside my house this morning and it gives me a uncomfortable feeling. It kind of scary...but I like it. How do you suppose I should make use of it? I have decided to keep it.I really want to stab someone with this. Though I know I shouldn't._

_Love, TheOneWithTheTrident_

...

So that was where his trident had gone, Mukuro thought. This would be the last time he trusted someone else with his weapon. How hard was it to lose track of something that was that big?

...

_To TheOneWithTheTrident,_

_Go to the abandoned warehouse outside Namimori's high school tomorrow evening. There will be someone to meet you there._

_- 69_

...

"What are you planning to do?" Tsuna asked warily. "Not...kill them, I hope?"

The other man's answer was directly to the point yet avoided the question entirely: "I will take back what is mine."

...

_69-chan~_

_I am like so totally in need of advice on like how to style my hair, like its so bland and dull! You have like no idea how last season my hair style is now~ 69-chan, you have like any totally, like TOTALLY awesome hair advice?_

_-Like Hair Advice Totally ASAP_

...

_To the one who wants hair advice,_

_Stop using chemicals._

_- 69_

...

This prompted Tsuna to glance at Mukuro's unusually-styled hair. Was it natural or...? He had never thought to ask. He doubted Mukuro would give a clear answer anyway.

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_i was told dat i cannot harrass tsuna-kun anymore...by my UMA sister...any advise on how i can get my hands on him without anyone else finding out...especially tenth's right hand man...?_

_from,_

_i need ur helppp~_

_P.S:how do i explain thiss..._

_u are actually my box...person..._

_please come home..._

_i miss u D:_

...

Tsuna's eyes widened and he gaped. He sat where he was, petrified, as Mukuro laughed, too shocked to make a move to prevent these words from appearing across the screen:

_To the one with the UMA sister,_

_I only have one box animal and I am certain it is not you._

_However, if you want Tsunayoshi I'll gladly help. In fact, your words have already conveniently terrified him into a statue, so it is a simple matter of tying him up and leaving him where you can pick him up. Kufufu~_

_- 69_

Tsuna finally found his voice. "M-Mukuro! You can't be serious!" he all but squeaked.

"Oh, but I am deadly serious," Mukuro assured him. In the blink of an eye, a life-sized statue of Tsuna stood beside them - an exact replica of the Vongola Decimo, only in marble rather than flesh and blood. While Tsuna stared at it, a length of rope appeared in Mukuro's hand and the illusionist stood to wrap it around and tie it firmly to the waist of the statue.

"What do you think, Tsunayoshi?" Mukuro asked, stepping back and examining the entire thing with a critical eye.

Tsuna stared for a few seconds more. Without warning, a laugh burst out of him. He clutched his sides; his entire frame shook with the force of his laughter. For a moment, he had thought his Mist Guardian had been serious about tying him up, and the relief he felt only served to add to his mirth.

"This is...! You...!" Tsuna giggled and even Mukuro had to chuckle good-naturedly at that.

...

After they had a good laugh, Tsuna excused himself and swept out of the room, having recalled some urgent reports that needed to be looked over before the end of the day. Mukuro was left to finish the emails on his own with the stony gaze of the silent sentinel of the replica Vongola Decimo looking over his shoulder.

...

_Dear 69-san_

_Lately I've been seeing some of Rebonr's character walking around my neighborhood and doing their usual insane stuff, I know they are not supposed to be real but I just can't ignore them!_

_so you got me wondering is this one of your perfect illusions?_

_if yes please never release it^^_

_p.s say hi to Chrome :D_

_~UMA's are real~_

...

The paradoxical nature of this email caused him to raise one elegant brow.

...

_UMA believer,_

_If I am supposedly a figment of the imagination then how are you talking to me, hmm?_

_- 69_

...

As Mukuro clicked 'send' his shoulders shook for the second time that day with silent laughter.

_It seems the experiment was successful after all. Kufufufufu~_

...

(What experiment, you ask? That is for him to know and the dear reader to find out.)

* * *

**More narration, less narration, keep the narration? I'd like to know your thoughts. Having some/any plot will slow me down probably, but I think it will keep this interesting.**


	5. Pineapple Provocation

_**A/N**__: Finally, chapter 5 is done! I'm sorry for making you all wait! The past two weeks were pretty tiring/busy for me, hence the lateness._

_Thank you for all your reviews etc.! Please do keep sending letters in!_

_(Letters from reviews, received 10th Sept. - __**orangesky3, xTsubasa-no-Utau, boRed-consPiracy, KirishimaAyama, xDelusional, TakeshiYamamoto2980, Polar Pig, + anonymous poster signed 'i want to pee'**__)_

**NOTE**: I'm assuming that the Arcobaleno, after being cursed, would then grow like a normal person would, meaning Reborn and co. are now approx. twelve years old, ten years later in the future.

* * *

When one wakes, one ideally would like to wake to the sharp aroma of freshly-roasted coffee, the mouth-watering scent of toasted bread, and maybe the cheerful twittering of gaily-chirping birds. One certainly does not like to be woken by the sound of a blaring horn right beside one's ear.

Which was how Mukuro was splendidly awoken on this particular morning. In an instant there was a gun in his hand, the safety off, with the barrel pressing hard against the culprit's forehead.

Or it would have been...if said culprit had not been the renowned hitman, Reborn.

Reborn had anticipated the reaction and already leapt out of the way and had his own gun against the illusionist's temple. Anyone else less acquainted with the hitman would have wondered how a twelve-year-old boy had executed such a feat.

"Not bad," the hitman - hitboy? - drawled. "No-Good Tsuna leapt out of bed, screaming, when I did the same thing to him. Put away the gun, Mukuro."

Mukuro fixed a smile upon his face as he lowered the firearm and laid it down (but still within reach). He levered himself into sitting position and regarded the Arcobaleno child with unconcealed curiosity as the young boy holstered his weapon.

"And what prompted this abrupt wake-up call, Arcobaleno?" Mukuro asked, feigning an easy, relaxed air as if his sleep had not just been rudely disturbed. His eyes flicked to the clock on his bedside table and back. 6.12AM.

"I need answers to certain questions and Tsuna is being stubborn." The Arcobaleno's features were like stone.

"What makes you think I will be any easier to interrogate?" Mukuro asked with one slim eyebrow raised. There was a click and this time he was facing down a dark, narrow barrel.

"Because I'm not afraid to beat the truth out of you if need be," the child hitman replied coldly.

The illusionist maintained his calm exterior. "It _must_ be important then," he said with a maddening cocky smile, disregarding the immediate threat to his cranium and gazing directly into Reborn's dark eyes. "I'm afraid if it concerns any business I have with Tsunayoshi I cannot answer. He made me swear not to say a word. Especially to you," he added with a slight laugh.

Reborn's eyes narrowed. He nudged his gun closer to the Mist Guardian's forehead so that it touched the skin. Mukuro's laughter immediately ceased and he watched the other's movements carefully, though he continued to wear a faint smile.

"I _will_ find out what it is that's being kept a secret from me," the Arcobaleno warned.

Mukuro's smile widened. "Tsunayoshi expects you to; he is waiting in dread for that moment."

...

It was really quite impossible for him to fall asleep again once Reborn left him alone. This early in the morning, only the Sun Guardian would be up, out for his morning jog around Namimori. Since no-one else apart from himself and Tsuna seemed to have been roused by the loud noise, Mukuro was left with several hours of time to himself. His eyes strayed towards the laptop which lay innocently on his desk and he found himself seated before its unbearably bright screen. One email was dated as being sent a quarter of an hour ago. The rest were from the day before...

...

_Herbivore._

_You're disrupting the peace. I'll bite you to death. _

...

So it seemed the sound _had_ woken up the ever light-sleeper. Rather than type a reply, he reached out with his mind towards the one he knew well with its thick, rigid barriers and - at this moment - an aura of suppressed irritation.

_Talking to me again, Kyoya?_ he asked teasingly. He had to grin when the other man huffily did the equivalent of physically slamming a door in his face. Despite this, he continued to poke and pry at the other Guardian's mind, knowing full well (and not caring) that he was inciting the wrath of a sleep-deprived Hibari. He did this even as he diverted part of his attention back to the glowing screen.

...

_Pineapple bastard,_

_Your report to the Tenth was due THREE ** WEEKS AGO. Don't make me go over there and shove a stick of dynamite up your ** to get you moving. I'll do it, too._

_-StormBomber_

...

_To Tsunayoshi's loyal dog,_

_If you attempt to use said dynamite in the way that you describe so eloquently, you may find something a little sharper and a lot more painful making its way through your chest._

_- 69_

...

Then there was a worried message from Chikusa, another from that Chinese girl, and - interestingly - one from his apprentice.

...

_69-sama,_

_This is Chikusa. I am concerned because I have not seen Chrome for a time, however it appears she is in good hands. Hope to see you soon... 69-sama._

_Kakipii_

...

_Chikusa,_

_There is no need to worry. Though if anything does happen to Chrome, feel free to blame Tsunayoshi._

_- 69_

...

_De-ar 69-sama,_

_O jsbr nimd yjpihj og ilitp-sama epi;f ;olr dp,r?_ [1]

_-I-Pin_

...

_Little Chinese girl,_

_Dsbr upit nimd gpt dp,rpmr r;dr, ;oyy;r hot;._ [2]

_- 69_

...

_Master,_

_I still don't understand why you won't use Nappo-head for a username. You need to accept reality._

_I have your trident by the way. It's a bit stuck._

_- Fran_

...

_To my (hopeless) apprentice,_

_The reality is that I am _**not**_ a pineapple-head, little one. As I have told you many times._

_I think having all those knives thrown at you by Belphegor has dulled your ability to feel, little one. Are you quite sure that is my trident? It is probably that Arcobaleno playing tricks on you. I told you not to make that baby's money disappear, did I not?_

_- 69_

...

The rest were letters from (as Gokudera so succinctly put it) his 'fans'.

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_Do you consider Chrome/Nagi as a girlfriend or just someone valuable to help acheive your mission in life?_

_~CuriosityKillstheCat_

...

_CuriosityKillstheCat,_

_Interesting. If I deny you the satisfaction of an answer, will you die?_

_- 69_

...

_dear 69-sama,_

_I saw this really cool toy that kinda looks like a trident(it is one) and I was wondering where I can keep this so no one can find it?_

_-i really need to pee so hurry up please_

...

_Go to the bathroom,_

_If I suggested a place for you to hide this trident (and it had best not be mine again...) then it would no longer be secret now, would it?_

_- 69_

...

_Dear 69-chan~_

_D0 y0u l!k3 p!n34ppl3s~? 0h y34h, th!s !s j3j3m0n, N4pp0-ch4n~3_

_I just had a pineapple for dessert, and it tastes so nice~ but I want more~ care to come over, Nappo-chan~? Along with a bag of marshmallows, of course~_

_Any particular reason why u have a pineapple head?^^_

_Oh yes, the actual pleas for advice~! Hmm..._

_I am obsessed with pineapples~ and tuna~ and other things~ I'm too much of an otaku, can you help me, Nappo-chan~?_

_See you later~_

_Love,_

_~MarshmallowsFTW~_

...

_Otaku,_

_I know a woman who can quickly and permanently help you with your obsession for food. Her name is Bianchi. I am sure she would be very eager to help you._

_- 69_

...

_Dear PINEY!_

_Sorry but I was not referring to you... There are others who are hot and have pineapple hairstyle other than you...XP_

_I would also like to ask where did you get that oversized fork of yours? And how can you eat with it? It is so long._

_And finally, this requires real advice. My best friend really hates this girl and I continue to lie to her that I hate her also because she is my best friend but I actually don't. I kind of admire her. What do I do?_

_Waiting for your advice, PINEY!_

_Sincerly (not),_

_Ame-chan_

...

That his hairstyle was not unique (Chrome did not count) was at once relieving and also vexing. His eye twitched at the new nickname this sender had given him. _Hmph. '_Piney_' indeed..._

...

_Ame,_

_Of course I do not use my 'oversized fork' to eat with. I find it is far more useful for spitting and roasting. Kufufu~_

_As for your friend: if she has not already noticed your admiration for this other girl, she is clearly very dense. I cannot imagine how you can be good friends with her. Perhaps you should consider breaking all ties with this 'friend'._

_- 69_

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_What do you think about shotas in a box?_

_-Passerby._

...

_Passerby,_

_I would suggest handing them to your nearest known paedophile. It is a pity that a certain white-haired man with a superiority complex whom I knew well perished not too long ago. He would have happily accepted them._

_- 69_

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_I have this friend who's going through a tough time. You see her ex-boyfriend recently came back into her life. He was being all friendly and then not long after she hears from one of his friends that he's got a new girlfriend. Like WTF! She's heartbroken because she believed they could start over, even though personally I think hes a jack*ss. She later finds out that the whole damn thing was a test between her and the other girl, to see who would 'win'. In other words he was playing her, AGAIN! and now he wants nothing to do with her. This isn't the first time he's done things like this. He cheated on her while they were dating and thats why they broke up in the first place._

_He's a sick manipulative bastard, who loves toying with her feelings and I've told her this, but my words as her friend don't seem to get through. She's gone depressed and shes not eating like she should. I'm at a loss at what to do, Could you please give me some advice, on how to get my friend to move on and on the right track? Or can I just higher you to kill this dickw*rd off? I would do it myself but I'm not a professional and I herd you were good at it. Anyway please help, I'd do anything!_

_Ps: I love your hairstyle! No matter what anyone saids or calls it, It's unique and suits you well!_

_Sincerely,_

_~IllusionsAreFun~_

...

At least there were _some_ who appreciated his hairstyle for what it was.

...

_IllusionsAreFun,_

_Form a contract with me and I will certainly be able to help you kill this person. I do not boast when I say that no-one can trace my actions so you can rest easy knowing your friend will no longer be tormented by her former boyfriend._

_- 69_

Placing the blame on others was easy when you could possess almost anyone you liked.

...

_Dear Pineapple-head (69-sama),_

_Well,well,well... if I was indeed the person who searched your rooms, I would have taken a souvenir. After all, I have a sense of respect for the person I'm stalking. :D_

_To the herbivore biter: I know it's you, Hibari-sempai. Don't worry, I didn't take Hibird's bird feed. It's hidden under the cabinet in Mukuro's room. I just wanted to feed your bird..._

_How do I know that? I have MAGICAL powers, LOL!_

_Sincerely,_

_PINEAPPLEZ4LIFE a.k.a your (honorable) stalker_

...

_To my stalker,_

_And a complete disregard for your own personal safety. Your words prove that you were indeed in my room, so I know it was you who took the underwear from my drawers._

_- 69_

...

Without warning the ceiling lights came on. Standing framed in the doorway was one Kyoya Hibari. The man came striding in, donned in his yukata, eyes like cold steel and body tense like a coiled spring. He towered over Mukuro, who was still seated at his desk before the open laptop, and in biting tones said, "Are you quite done annoying me?"

The Guardian of Mist leaned back in his chair, interlacing his fingers over his stomach and stretching out his legs to cross his ankles - a picture of relaxation. "I am never going to be done annoying you." He ducked under the fist which swung over his head, tumbled out of the chair to avoid the second, then led Hibari on a small game of cat and mouse around his room in which the other Guardian attempted to pummel him into the ground.

The chase ended when Hibari decided to bring out his box weapon. It was hard to do anything when you were backed into a corner with a lethally-sharp spine tickling your throat, poking at your chest, and just threatening all of your vitals in general.

"No illusions this time?" Hibari asked, smirking.

Mukuro also smirked. "Just who do you think I am?"

Too late, Hibari realised that the other man was in fact standing right behind him but the illusionist gave him no time to attack, slamming the Cloud Guardian into the wall and holding him there. The doppelganger Hibari had trapped dissolved, leaving behind only empty space.

"Don't feel so badly about this loss - you couldn't have known you entered my world as soon as you stepped through that door," Mukuro murmured into the other's ear.

"Hmph. It's too early to be smug, Mukuro." Hibari tore himself out of the Mist Guardian's grip easily and just like that the tables were turned. Now Mukuro was once more at the mercy of the other Guardian.

"You are still not strong enough," Hibari said dismissively, releasing Mukuro a few seconds later. "If that is all you have, I'm going back to bed." His gaze sharpened. "If you keep me awake..." He left the threat hanging but it was not hard to finish the sentence.

"I would not _dream_ of it," Mukuro replied, laughing at the flat look the other shot him for the subtle joke. "Oh, and Kyoya...?" He nudged the other's hand, depositing a small bundle into the palm. Hibari frowned, glancing at the object then at the illusionist with narrowed eyes.

"I wasn't the one who stole it," Mukuro said before the other man could speak.

Hibari snorted but did not contest the point. He yawned and headed towards the door, lifting a hand in a careless wave.

"Does this mean we're on speaking terms again, Kyoya?" Mukuro asked with the tiniest of smiles at the man's retreating back.

The other man half turned and regarded him with a cold look. Then, with a sniff, he turned back and strode away without another word.

Well, he had not said 'no', so Mukuro took it to be a positive sign.

* * *

[1] I-Pin: "I have buns though if Mukuro-sama would like some?"

[2] 69: "Save your buns for someone else, little girl."

**Next chapter will probably another intermission kind of chapter. I'm still mulling over how to write it though, and I have exams approaching so please forgive me if there's another long gap between chapters.**


	6. Intervallo secondo

_**A/N**__: I have returned, and I bring a (possibly) long-awaited chapter once more! I hope to get back on track with fics etc. very soon._

_This is a letter from __**mangarox14**__, author of "Dear 59-kun"!_

_Thank you to the reviewers/letter-senders/faves/alerts, one and all! Glad to know some people still read this._

* * *

**.**

**~ intervallo : l'illusione fraudolento ~**

**[ ~ intermission : the fraudulent illusion ~ ]**

**.**

* * *

"It's over between us."

Teal eyes blinked once. Twice. "'Over'?" the boy repeated.

"Over," the girl affirmed.

The boy couldn't help but blink stupidly in the wake of this sudden termination of their relationship. At last he asked, "Why?"

The contemptuously tossed her dark chestnut hair over one shoulder and shot back, "Because you're an idiot."

As these words were slowly processed in the boy's mind, the girl turned her back and flounced away - a deliberate snub. And one that the boy found caused his fists to clench, nails digging into his palm, his heart to ache in a funny way, to feel some strange _emotion_ that he was unused to feeling. It was so..._weird_ that he at first had no name for it.

He didn't know how long he stood, staring after her, as the sky turned from baby blue to dark cobalt. But he knew it must have been a very long time, because before long a well-meaning policeman came and ushered him home.

He didn't sleep well that night.

He would wake to find wet tracks on his cheeks and on his pillow. The sheets would be twisted and tangled about his body, sometimes wound so tightly that it left raw, red marks on his skin. At times, unable to sleep, he would sit up in his bed, staring at the shadows of his room with a mind which was blissfully blank of any thoughts. Once, he contemplated calling his friend, even beginning to reach for his mobile when he remembered that his friend had also ditched him, and the knife in his chest seemed to twist just a little more deeply.

How many people had left him or avoided him entirely because of his apparent lack of enthusiasm and lack-lustre humour? They had accumulated over the years and now there were too many to count.

Even his parents had abandoned him at an early age, leaving him in the care of relatives who barely took the trouble to notice him. The scolding he had received after he had raided the pantry more times than was normal was the first time in several months his caretakers had spoken to him.

When was the last time he had felt an inkling of happiness? That day in the park, when he and that girl had sat on a bench, holding hands as they watched small children engaged in a game of tag tumble by.

And now there was nothing, he thought glumly, as he trawled the internet on his tiny laptop. His finger flicked up on the touchpad as he scrolled down the screen. Then he stopped.

Perhaps this man could help him.

...

_Dear 69-san,_

_Everything was looking up for me...or so I thought._

_Ever since a friend of mine just up and left me, and then my girlfriend broke up with me, I just can't seem to find the will to get up. I just keep stuffing my face, and I'm paranoid, and nothing seems to be working right._

_This morning, my room starting swirling, and it heated up, and it was just...too weird._

_I can't seem to control these weird visions. My mom made me go to school yesterday, and when I saw my ex, I felt like throwing her down a ditch...and for a moment, I really almost imagined it happening. After we met, she seemed to walk away with a scared look in her eyes. I must've looked weird or something._

_Signed,_

_-Whatishappeningtome_

* * *

**Inserting a little of my own backstory for Fran - this is NOT CANON obviously (and if it is, I'll eat my own hand). I hope it wasn't too bad. Mukuro needs your letters so please don't stop sending them in!**

**(And for your pleasure, I found this very, wholly appropriate picture. **www(.)zerochan(.)net/307501** I have no idea who the artist is.)**


	7. Sex, Love and Illusions

_(Letters from reviews - __**orangesky3, CrimsonCupcake, kat716, Ayasume, SummerVegetable, MakaMaka, YamiNoUe, hibalicious + anonymous posters signed 'Simply Anonymous' & 'KorEAnOtAku'**__)_

* * *

Mukuro, being the shameless person that he was, had immediately gone back to intruding into Hibari's rooms in order to answer his emails. While it initially caused the other man to bristle and snap at him for being a nuisance, Mukuro knew that Hibari knew that the best way to find peace of mind was for the Cloud Guardian to do his best to ignore the illusionist as much as possible.

It was more difficult than Hibari thought - Mukuro would often chuckle or in rare cases laugh out loud and they almost always came at a time while he was meditating in the garden or taking some time off with a book of Japanese literature.

Hibari had half a mind to throw his current hard-cover book at the man's head when he was interrupted for 47th time (yes, he had counted) by another abrupt laugh. Closing the book with a sharp snap - damn it, this was a _library_, _his_ library! - he rose fluidly from his seat and stalked over to where the other sat grinning at the laptop - _his_ laptop!

Before he delivered his judgement upon the unsuspecting illusionist, he glanced at the screen to see what had evoked the man's mirth this time.

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_I heard that you got Hibari naked the other day. Did you take any pictures? If so, will they be for sale? (Photos of you would be just as welcome.)_

_Sincerely,_

_HentaiGirl_

...

Mukuro turned at the low, threatening growl, not at all surprised to see the imposing Guardian of Cloud with his blood-freezing glare standing over him.

"Yes?" the illusionist queried innocently.

Hibari took a swipe at the man's head with his book which forced Mukuro to lean back hurriedly to avoid or else acquire a pretty bruise on the side of his head.

"Give them to me." It was clear what was meant by 'them'.

It was either hand over the photos or spend several hours encased in Hibari's handcuff cage. Mukuro opted for the former, and did not fail to see the humorous side of the situation as he handed over the aptly-named _exposures_, drawing a suspicious glance from Hibari as he promptly destroyed any and all evidence of Mukuro's deed while the illusionist watched on and chuckled.

...

_HentaiGirl,_

_Unfortunately there are no photos of Kyoya (or of myself), but my memory is surely better than any camera and I will not forget that moment any time soon. Kufufu~_

_- 69_

...

_Dear 69-chan~_

_I have an obsession with pineapples, and your hair isn't really helping~ Why did you choose a pineapple for your hairstyle?~_

_What do you do when a very kawai best friend is depressed because she thinks that life looks down on her?~ Really~ I'm getting worried~ :(_

_Oh yes, and how do you fix an "Otaku Syndrome"? Cause I have a very very bad case of one right now~ it includes a certain tuna fish, a certain skylark, a certain pineapple, a certain octopus, a certain shark, a certain (fake) prince, a certain frog, a certain boss of the 3 mentioned right beforehand, and a certain marshmallow~ all in ONE~_

_See you~_

_Love,_

_TunAatEtHemArshmAllOw_

_P.S. CAN YOU MARRY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE? XD_

...

"Yes, why _did_ you choose a pineapple for your hairstyle?" Hibari asked, smirking, turning from the smouldering pile of plastic that were once negatives.

Mukuro smiled thinly at the other man but otherwise ignored the jibe.

...

_'Tun Aat Et Hem Arshm All Ow' (an interesting pseudonym, might I add),_

_Your friend may find her problems solved if she no longer relies on life and instead embraces that which lies beyond it._

_For your obsessive tendencies, I can only recommend that you see an illusionist. A single nightmare can be a rather effective cure._

_- 69_

_P.S. Marriage involves the signing of a contract. Are you sure you would like to sign one with me? Kufufu~_

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_What type of seme are you? Would you seme Byakuran? Speaking of Byakuran...exactly WHAT happened after he defeated you?_

_Your fangirls love you,_

_~istotallyNOTimplyinganything_

_P.S. Any tips on how to stalk pineapple illusinists?_

...

_'Not implying anything' (by which you imply much),_

_To the winner go the spoils. Which is to say, whatever is left whole._

_- 69_

...

"...What do you mean by that?"

"Kufufu...what do you think?"

...

_69-sama_

_What do you think of 18-san? You like him, right?_

_-PleseDon'tKillMe!_

...

_'PleseDon'tKillMe' (I may not kill you but Kyoya might),_

_His stubborness is rather charming, yes. Especially when complimented. He tries hard to hide it, but that blush of his shows he is pleased. Kufu~_

_- 69_

...

"I do _not_ blush, herbivore!"

"You are doing so now, Kyoya. Kufufu~"

...

_Dear 69-san,_

_Can I join you in your conquest to annoy Kyoya and whatever you wish to destroy? I am very bored at this dull world and needs to have the violent form of entertainment._

_-Im Bored And Wants To Do Some Things_

_P.S._

_Please annoy Kyoya more, His misery is my joy!_

...

Hibari snarled. "What are all these annoying herbivores doing in their spare time?" As if Mukuro needed more encouragement to make his life a misery, or to make a larger mess than the illusionist already did with the inevitable amount of dead bodies that arose from each of Mist Guardian's missions.

...

_'Bored',_

_You are most welcome to join me, provided Kyoya does not stop you first._

_- 69_

...

"Don't encourage them, you bastard!"

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_What is the best way for people to be killed in the most gruesome way as possible? Since you're probably the best advisor I've seen, I thought I might ask. *angelic smile*_

_My best friend says pulling their intestine out from the body works well *another angelic smile shining from the heavens*_

_What do you think?_

_-A-certain-sadist-in-training_

...

_To the sadist-in-training,_

_Insert needles throughout their body and push them in until the head is all but part of the skin. Then you merely need stand back and watch them attempt to claw those very needles out of their own body. It is most entertaining to witness, provided you can bear the screaming._

_- 69_

...

_To 69-sama,_

_That wasn't the response I wanted! . Ah well, how about 1869? What are your views on shouhen-ai aka. yaoi?_

_Give Chrome hug for me when she gets back!_

_-OCF (Obsessive Compulsive Fangirl)_

...

_To Obsessive Compulsive Fangirl,_

_I see nothing wrong with two men having sex with each other, kufu~_

_And I must say Kyoya seems like he would make for an interesting bed partner._

_- 69_

...

"The day that happens is the day you _die_, Mukuro."

...

_Dear 69-tama_

_Thank you for your oh-so lovely hair advice._

_As for my question, how do you get annoying people to leave you alone? Because I have some people bothering me..._

_~Ue-chan~_

...

_To Ue,_

_By erasing them entirely from the world._

_- 69_

...

_Dear 69-chan,_

_Hallo! Help me~_

_I keep on seeing these manga characters(including no less than a tuna, a skylark, a pineapple, a frog, and a fake prince among others) around my house! Did u make those? Cuz...they are freaking real! Or am I hallucinating from lack of sleep?_

_Oh yeah and what did u do for your pineapple hair? Cuz whatever I do, it doesn't turn out right!_

_How long IS your hair?_

_Toodles!_

...

_To the nameless questioner (unless your name is 'Toodles'),_

_Whether they are products of your imagination or of mine, neither are real, are they? Kufufufufu~_

_- 69_

...

_Dear 69-sama,_

_Do you love Hibari Kyouya? Will you sleep for a night with him, please?_

_- Your Daughter_

...

At this, Mukuro turned around and gave Hibari his most winning smile. "What do you say, Kyoya?"

The man's steely eyes gave him a frigid, wintery glare and denounced the idea immediately with a simple word:

"Repulsive."

The illusionist laughed softly. "I can make sure you enjoy _every_ moment of it," he said silkily as he stood and pushed his chair to one side, advancing upon the other man.


End file.
